Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

What do we do when we are disenchanted?

Pondering on why is it that so many people I know struggle with Church, I have grasped upon this term, which I read in a book recently, because I feel it expresses most authentically what I’m talking about.

Growing up in Church, in my experience, makes people more aware of God. However, the only vehicle they are given – especially so in the non-sacramental Salvation Army – to view God is people. I believe that people brought up in Church are lead to believe – and maybe even despite being told otherwise – that people are good and God is good. Christians are good people = God is good. In most cases, things work out for the best for people at Church = God is good.

So what happens when people aren’t good.

I am under the impression that many people who leave Church having been brought up in a Church family do not leave because they no longer believe in God. They may not have an active relationship with God, but they would probably say they still believed in God – were agnostic at worse. Most people leave Church because of people.

The people they were brought up believing were good are no longer the pillars of virtue that they thought. The people who they were brought up thinking cared, seemed to stop caring when they were no longer cute or went away for a while. The morals they thought everyone lived by only seem to apply when people are looking. People are no longer good = God is ?

When the sequins fall off and the glitter is no longer gleaming; when you become disenchanted and faith seems like a fairytale, where do you turn?

Is re-enchantment possible?

I do not think it is possible to go back to believing that everyone is good, and I do not think it would be sensible to do so. I also do not think people need to believe, or ever should be taught, that being a Christian fixes everything. So where does that leave the disenchanted? How do you see God past the people?

Ok- so it has taken me a while but here are my last 3 facts.

5. To me, the worst sound in the world is the noise of a through-train at the station.
6. I am allergic to facepaint. My skin goes all blotchy and I start to itch.
7. My arm span is one inch shorter than my height. (and for your information, Chris' is one inch longer. Made for each other! lol)
8. I was born in County Durham and until I was about 6, spoke with a geordie accent.

There you go. All there is interesting to know about me!

Ok, so Claire tagged me into this whole 8 random facts business - but like Dawn I may have to do this in slots. I am not that interesting.

1. When I lived in Germany, I had a rabbit named Snowball which had its head bitten off by a dog.
2. I have only ever been to hospital once - and that was because someone kicked my own shoe at my face.
3. I hate washing up being left in the sink. On the side is fine. But in the sink drives me insane.
4. I must be able to see, if not hold, the remote control at all times when I am in front of the tv.

Kirsty tagged me in on this - I'm sorry it has taken me so long to complete the task!

Five events and the opportunity to record the impact they had on you:

Princess Diana's death - 31 August 1997


I don't remember very much about the day that Princess Diana died, I was only 11 to be fair. I do remember the day of her funeral- mostly because I was bored. My Nana and grandad came round to watch it on the TV with my mum and dad. I remember moaning because it was boring to me. I didn't get why everyone was so interested in watching it. But still, i sat on the floor by my dad and watched the whole thing.

Margaret Thatcher's resignation - 22 November 1990

As I was only 4, it didn't really matter to me!

Attack on the twin towers - 11 September 2001

I was at school. I remember that it happened about lunch time and rumours started flying around about it but no one really knew what had happened or why. I vividly recall coming home to find my mum sat staring at the television, obviously shaken. I came in and sat with her. She just turned to me and said

And man, at war with man, hears not
The tidings which they bring;
O hush the noise, ye men of strife;
And hear the angels sing!

I didn't know what it was at the time, but I've found out since that it is a verse from 'It came upon the Midnight clear'. The whole verse goes -

Yet with the woes of sin and strife
The world has suffered long;
Beneath the heavenly strain have rolled
Two thousand years of wrong;
And man, at war with man, hears not
The tidings which they bring;
O hush the noise, ye men of strife;
And hear the angels sing!

I thought it seemed poignant to put it up in whole, on this, the anniversary.

England's World Cup semi final v Germany - 4 July 1990

Again, I was 4. I liked barbies, snails and climbing. Wierd combination i know. So, the England vs Germany semi final passed me by!

President Kennedy's Assassination - 22 November 1963

As with Kirsty, 'What? When?'

" Imperfect lives, including our own, may still be redeemed by perfect love."



Amen.

I was reminded in a book I was proofing of the dance track released a couple of years ago by Faithless; God is a DJ. I looked it up and the lyrics go like this:

This is my church
This is where I heal my hurt
It's a natural grace
Of watching young life shape
It's in minor keys
Solutions and remedies
Enemies becoming friends
When bitterness ends
This is my church

This is my church
This is where I heal my hurt
It's in the world I become
Content in the hum
Between voice and drum
It's in change
The poetic justice of cause and effect
Respect, love, compassion
This is my church
This is where I heal my hurt

For tonight
God is a DJ

It made me wonder. It made me question what my 'church' is; where it is. Where do I heal my hurts; where to I find my solutions; where is my pulse and my energy? I don’t know.

I am not writing this to make a point about our church, and I say that with the confidence that pretty much everyone that reads this is a member of my church. I say this because I want to know. Because I feel I have lost it and I miss it. I used to find it at the army but for some reason I don't anymore. I do not know if that is because I have become disillusioned or because I do not try or for some unfathomable reason unbeknownst to me as of yet.

But, wherever my 'church' went. It would be nice to have it back.

You have taught
helicopters that fall from never ending trees,
storks standing on one leg in the estuary
and 'King Arthur lived on that hill with his knights'.
Two tic-tacs plus three tic-tacs equals five.
Sums done.
You have shown
in our nights nothing to fear,
but thunder and lightning
repaired by milk, murmuring milly-molly-mandy.
Painting is a second language,
seeing the colour of the birds is our second sight.
Now almost fabled,
guru teachings.



Now you teach the black coal our of forefathers,
disintegrating to dust with Arthur Scargill.
No matter the adding up
the world has grown small
like your stories, signing sorrowfulness.
Now you show
yourself spinning as helicopter leaves to the ground;
burying yourself with King Arthur under myth.
The tide of your estuary erratic,
no view but the sinking sands.
Sight lost.



Fabled guru,
teacher
just answer your phone.


Charity Hamilton

I have a problem. A flaw in my belief system. A niggle of contradictory thought that worries me. You see, I believe in God. But I don’t believe that other people need to.

I find it frustrating when I hear Christians speak about how obviously our atheist and agnostic brothers and sisters need faith; when we speak of a ‘God-shaped hole’. Where is it, I ask? Why do they need Him, I wonder? Most of the non-Christian people I know are happy. They have problems, sure. But then again, so do I, and I believe in God. They have everything they need, and want. They are not lonely or miserable. They are not finding it difficult to unearth inner strength. They do not sit around pondering on the purpose of their lives. They are far too busy living their lives. If I told them they needed God, I’m sure their reaction would be much the same as mine. ‘Why?’ As Jim Watson, the co-discoverer of DNA once said “You can say ‘Gee, your life must be pretty bleak if you don’t think there’s a purpose’. But I’m anticipating a good lunch.”

A good lunch, you may argue, is not what life is about. A good lunch is not all there is to the day. This is true. But when you are pretty secure in the fact that you will have a good lunch, a good dinner and a good sleep- is there much that God is good for? How about an eternity in heaven, I hear the purist cry? What about the curse of Hell? Do they not fear the darkness of death; the unknown at the end? I mean, I’m happy to accept the ‘Get out of Jail Free’ card, but if that’s all that Church is about I think we could pull in more people by cutting out the boring stuff and having better advertising. What about an incentive scheme- sit through 10 sermons in a row and get a closer seat to the Almighty?

Surely to goodness, there’s something more to offer than that. I mean, I’m not even sure we can guarantee good seats, can we?

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in God for a reason. I know I do. But have we got to be so darn patronising about it? None of us are perfect. But even that pacifying cliché causes my blood pressure to rise. It’s perfectly clear we are not perfect. Does spelling it out make Christ more appealing?

Perhaps it is not God that causes my bemusement. Perhaps it is not His Holiness who I feel can be dismissed. Maybe our friends can live with or without Him. Perhaps it is just us I would prefer they ignored. And that dreaded placed that begins with a ‘C’.

“Christianity is spirituality and not a morality”
Discuss.

I have recently finished re-reading a book that I very much enjoyed. You may have read it, but if you haven’t I really do recommend it. It is a novel; ‘Plain Truth’ by Jodie Picoult. Just in case any of you do plan on reading it some day I will try and not give anything away but the basic outline is this: a young Amish woman is put on trial accused of murdering her newborn baby which was, coincidentally, born in secret out of wed-lock. Her attorney then moves in with this Amish family in order to formulate a defence. In the process she learns something not only about the Amish but about herself, which is, of course, the way! I shall get back to this later, but for now, back to the above.

Whilst proofreading a textbook on Christian Spirituality at work I read this line. Now, I didn’t know what to think of it at first and wrote in down on a scrap piece of paper just so I could think it over later. I am usually quite good at formulating an opinion. I am never above changing my opinion and I like to grapple with issues, so this is a good one for me. At first, I instinctively wanted to agree. You can be spiritual and not live the black and white, archaic rules out to the letter! Surely to goodness! The writer of this book then goes on to say how Christianity, following the example of Christ, “enables us to find for ourselves what is right rather than tell us, except in a general way, what it is.” But I am beginning to wonder, does this mean that our spirituality can be separated from our morality? I know people who would call themselves ‘spiritual’. They believe in God. They sometimes, and sometimes regularly, attend church. They pray. They praise. They think about God and discuss Him. But they make choices that to all intent and purpose are ‘immoral’. The out and out statements, which we can call ‘general’ or not, get pushed to the way side to be replaced with shady declarations of hedonistic intent. I am not claiming that I have never done this very same thing. That in my wisdom I have never exclaimed that God wouldn’t really mind if I …. as long as I was happy. I wasn’t really hurting anyone. The rules do seem a bit outdated now, anyway, don’t they? But however we justify our choice; does it make it not a sin? Are there not lines that shouldn’t be crossed? Not because they are even intrinsically wrong, and maybe the ‘world’ would never understand, maybe we never will, but are some things off limits just because God says so? Whether we actually agree or not. And if in my spiritual life, I call myself a Christian, can I really cross those lines and still maintain my spirituality without my morality?

This is where the book comes in. In trying to create a defence for our Amish protagonist, the life of the Amish people gets examined. In a statement of character witness her brother, who lives out in the big wide world now, states that Katie, the girl, could not have committed murder ‘simply because she’s Amish through and through.’ The faith of the girl resulted in life choices and a moral code. Throughout the book we see the dilemma of a modern court trying to correlate the religious life of the defendant with the charge brought against her. Was someone automatically unable to commit a crime because they associated themselves with a community that chose to live a different way? No, not typically. Are they if that community’s spirituality bids them to live by a certain moral code? I suppose, still no. But, would that community still be what it was if you took that code away.

I am not trying to create an understanding of the life choices of the Amish people, but rather, the life choices of us un-Amish Christians. It would be too far from the truth to say that I am a conservative Christian, that I take the fundamentals for what they are without question and that I follow the rules quietly. I do not. But at the same time, is following the rules the only thing I have to show that my insides count? Could I tell God that I loved him in my head and ponder the mysteries of the universe and then choose to lie to my friend and steal from my boss? Can my spirituality mean anything when my actions separate me from the God who had the rules written in stone?

I realise that I have written an awful lot just to pose more questions than I’ve answered. And I suppose whether in the end I agree or disagree, it will get me no closer to an easy life. If I believe that some things are immoral. That God ordained a way of life. What do I say to the people I love who don’t live by those same rules? If I choose to believe that I can separate the rules from my relationship what do I do to mark my covenant, to show that it matters? Can you be amorally spiritual or is our meeting with the Almighty as much about boundaries as it is about wings?

After quite a few different conversations and blogs and recent reminders, the idea of friendship is in my head.

What are friends for? I have a brilliant group of friends whom I adore and without whom I do not think I could survive all the panic-induced mini fits that strike me all too often in everyday life. Without them my life would not only be full of a lot more fear, but missing more joy than is describable. I am honoured to be able to include my sister in my list of closest friends, along with my new fiance! But, what is the duty of these people as my friend, and what is my duty to them?

Is it my duty to tell them when they have done something wrong- whether than has been calculated biblically, emotionally, by moral codes or gok wan's dress codes? Is it my duty to make sure they are aware of there failings or does standing up against what is wrong have to go hand in hand with judging someones choices?

Is it possible to 'judge' your friends and still be 'friends' with them?

I am aware of the inadequacies, if i may, of the people I love the most. I am aware of the times that they have chosen to stroll along a moral walk-way that veers off into a darker and mistier part of the woods than I would choose to go. I am aware of their regrets and the things they wouldn't dream of repenting- regardless of other's opinions. And despite this, I have never looked at any one of these people and been ashamed. I have never looked at any one of these people and been embaressed of them. I have never looked at any one of these people and wanted to point out the weaknesses in them. Despite my awareness.

I have sinned. I have been broken and rebuilt and turned into a resemblance of a dropped mug a five year old superglues back together. I have been nasty and vindictive. I have been heartless. I have chosen to do things that I am sure walk me into dark corners of other people's moral pathways. but if I, lacking as I do, can be a friend- then how much more can God be a friend to me. I don't dare suggest that God can accept sin or that my relationship with God does not require my repentance gratefully met with His forgiveness. I just marvel at how, if the measly amount of love I have allows me to over look another's inadequecies, how much more God must be able to see past, to see the best of me.

This is quickly becoming one of my favourite poems, I love you, by Roy Croft. For my friends...if they read this.

"In any case, if it's only Christians who go to heaven, I think God prefers to go to hell with the rest of humanity."

I saw this picture today on someone else's blog and had to steal it. It is just to true on so many levels.

Just a few statistics I found.

A survey from August 2007 put the death toll as a result of the Iraqi conflict at 1,033,000

Since Sept 2000, 119 Israeli children have been killed, as have 982 Palestinian children.

In 2007, amnesty international claims that at least 3,347 people were sentenced to death in 51 countries in violation of human rights.

1 in 3 women will be affected by domestic violence.

These are just a few.

You are free to cringe at the absurdity of what I am about to do. A white girl from Essex is about to quote 2Pac talking about God. Yes, that is correct.

"Never forget, that God hasn't finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes, I go blind, and let the lord do his thing
But am I less holy
Cause I choose to drink a beer with my homies
Before we find world peace
We gotta find peace and end the war on the streets

Lord can you hear me speak!!"

Ok, so it might seem a little strange but I had a music channel on in the background the other day while I was doing work and I looked up just in time to hear these words. I was really struck by it. Is he (or was he) less holy? Do we make value judgements about who is holy and who isn't- about what holiness looks like?

I understand that you can quote me St Paul and his 'in the world but not of it' verses. But who decides what of the world is bad and what is good?

Take drinking, for example, the Salvation Army has a policy that if you choose to become a Senior Soldier you shall not drink alcohol. I am not writing to oppose it- because people choose to make that commitment and choose to follow that rule, it seems sensible infact. But has that sensible; and for its time inclusive, ruling become a yard stick to judge what is holiness and what isn't? Holy are those who abstain from alcohol and unholy are those who don't. Just an example, I'm sure I could find many more.

I know holiness is a huge issue in itself. The problem, I suppose, with being a religious is that noone can tell you what it is and what it looks like in your life. I must find the holiness of my own. My path to communion with God. I just have to recognise that any judgement I make about anyone's holiness takes me further and further from being holy myself.

Unfortunately, time doesn't stop. As a consequence of which I have 2500 words of my dissertation still to complete and 2 essays and only 6 weeks. In this vein, yesterday I sat to try and do some dissertation work and found that my brain didnt want to play. I thought talking it through would help and so started a discussion with my mother. Now, hence the blog...



You may or may not be aware that for my dissertation I am looking into the issue of suffering and evil. Because that is so huge I am looking at it from a particular angle- So, as part of talking around this issue we got onto the matter of original sin. Now, I don’t believe in original sin. The reason I don’t is because it doesn’t actually say anywhere in Genesis that all from that point on will be born inherently sinful and because the whole discussion is just annoyingly frustrating. Some man a more than a thousand years ago came up with this theory that sperm infected babies with sin and the church went- oh yes, sounds good, and now a thousand years later it has seeped into the Christian consciousness. I was talking to my mother yesterday about this and she threw original sin into the equation- I asked her to show me how that was true- and she couldn’t. (This is not purely a rant about o.s or my mother, just so I don’t lose you!)



And all this got me thinking, how many other pieces of Christian ‘fact’ have people heard and swallowed without actually thinking it through? When a man or a woman stands on a platform and starts speaking, do we run the risk of not making them accountable for what it is they preach? How many times do we or should we challenge those who minister to us?

Don’t get me wrong- you can believe me or not when I say this- but it isn’t that I want church to become a place of scepticism and suspicion. It just worries me, especially in this modern climate of 'fear of fanaticism', that we would accept what someone tells us about God as true without questioning it. That we would lay down and let, at times I fear, illogical arguments become our foundations. I know I often speak in generalised terms and I feel I should make it clear that I am not assuming that those who read this do not question things they are told or that what we are being told is wrong. It's just that I’m all too aware that you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.



I am, I am often reminded by my nearest theology buddies, a bit of a heretic. You could, fairly accurately at times, accuse me of being cantankerous. But i think its important. I think it is important that you know what it is you believe. I think it is important that know where what you believe came from. I think it is important that you understand what it is that leads you to believe these things. I think it is important that when someone tells me that christianity is wrong because of this, this and this, I can say yeah, i know what you're talking about but have you thought about that, that and that.



I think it is important that we don't watch ourselves, like lemmings, being thrown off the cliff of intellectual debate with no hope of saving ourselves. I know that faith isnt rational. I know that logic fails where God wins, I know that my heart and my head can simultaneously walk in two separate directions and both be right but I also know that I can't be accused of following along blindly.

"When faith becomes blind, it dies." Gandhi

I thought it was time to update anybody who happens to pass by my blog on what is going on in my life. As you may or may not know, mum and dad got marching orders last week. So in the summer they are going to be moving on and for the first time, me and rachel are not. We are going to rent a place and live in Romford- make ourselves a little home here. Its a good feeling to know that in some ways I'm settled. But this process of 'settling' is like living in an earthquake. I need to finish my degree, find a job, find a place to live. I need to sort out my finiacial situation and the practicalities that I know need to be addressed for my life. In truth, it wouldn't really make a difference if mum and dad were moving or not, I still need to address these things. I think every graduate in the country is living in the same storm- its one of those things. Dont get me wrong- i'm not unhappy. I'm a little excited actually. I know that everything always works out ok in the end. But I would still value your prayers in getting everything in order!

On a completely different note- I had a conversation a while back with my mum and with a friend from uni about what it means to be trinitarian. Christians believe in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. As much as people say we are monotheisitc, we are not. Not truly. That understanding loses something of what being Trinitarian offers us. I see it this way- as a Christian you can live your faith standing on one of three platforms (or move about of course).

[disclaimer- these are all my perceptions and none are intended to seem any better or worse then any others, its just something I've noticed.]

There are those who stand on the 'Spirit'- their faith is about leading and direction. They focus their prayer and their hopes on revival, on spirit-filled life. Their faith is practiced like water-worshippers. Waiting for the rain or rejoicing in the downpour. The spirit is their spiritual home.

Then, there are the Christ-ians. In Christ they see everything they feel they ever needed. They find hope and comfort in seeing a God who looks like them and lived like them whilst still being God himself. The example of Christ and the significance of his sacrifice strike awe and wonder in their hearts. They pray to their 'Lord Jesus Christ' and make living as he lived their lives goal. Christ is their home.

And finally, the camp I think I stand on- those who stand on God, on Being alone. If a verse could some up the faith of those in this camp it would be 'Be still and know that I am God'. They stand in a place of recognition that God is God and that is all that is needed. The silence and security that God offers is valuable to those who will always remember that they are children of the Father. He is their home.

As I said, I dont think any lillypad of faith is any less worthy or spiritual than the others. And I think at some point in the Christian journey people step from one to the other hoping to experience all that the Trinity has to offer. As a follower of a Trinitarian faith, I do not want to undermine the wonder that my 'three in one' God has to extended to me.

Just though I'd copy you the words of a song I like- its by Nichole Nordeman- its called 'Home'.

I will write about this at some point later, i just wanted to post it so I didnt forget. It comes from the book 'Original Blessing' by Matthew Fox.

The Sin of self-negation: " This sin consists of the refusal to love oneself well, the refusal to celebrate both one's dignity and one's responsibility. When people sin in this way they become suckers for hero-worship, for projecting onto others thier own dinity as images of God. Whether these others at matinee idols or religious ones, whether alive or dead, makes no difference. The sin of refusal to acknowledge one's own dignity remains the same...This sin has everything to do with the triumph of death over life...in it the microcosm of the human person refuses to ripen and to live. With it all light and life are snuffed out and the wonderful ways of the Via Positiva, the great delight that that creation is meant to give to the Creator God, is forgotten."