its been an awful long time since i blogged and so i suppose i should have alot of share but i'm afraid that i dont actually. So, since i have last written it has been my birthday and i have left university for the Easter holidays. Firstly, birthday-ness. it was my birthday on the 30th and i was still at uni and mum and dad came down to stay and take me home. it felt really wierd, it didn't feel like my birthday. it felt like a day with random presents but that was cool. then on the friday i went shopping!! woo! i have never spent so much money in one go but i got a few nice outfits and accessories and such like and that was nice. it feels good to get stuff, which probably is a spiritual down fall or something but never mind. i can't lie. Since then i have been at home. In the evenings i have been doing very little, during the day i have been at work. i work in the tea rooms of Hadleigh Training Centre which is cool. that has been good but because i have been working i haven't got the essays done that i wanted to and that gets me slightly stressed but i'm getting there so its ok. i haven't read my bible as much since i've been home but i still have and i still feel like the lines of communication are open so thats cool. what i have done that is interested though is read. i have read, or am reading 2 books. Firstly, my sister's keeper. absolutely flipping marvelous! about a young girl, scientifically modified in the womb to be a bone marrow donor for her sister, who after years of donation decides to sue her parents for her own body. it sounds silly and yoou are probably thinking, what can you get from reading that?! but it really made me think about young people. about how much they care. about how resisiant we are when we don't even realise it. we need to be like that. we need to love people, despite our fear. we will bounce back. we were made resiliant! the second i have only just started reading; eat, pray, love. it is about a women's search for spiriutual enlightenment. it makes me jealous. my addictive emotion so i am going to try and distance myself. i realise my jealousy only ever leads me to self doubt, but anyway. this women ends up on such a journey, literally around the world, to discover her spirituality. i wish i could do that. i wish i could discover the depths of my belief. experience every kind of prayer and kind of spirituality. but i know i could do that forever and end up not meeting anyone, not affected anyone. being a wasted ranch in God's tool box. i don't want that. i want to be useful. i still wished i knew what i was meant to be doing usefully though! never mind. all in good time my friend. all in good time.