i struggle alot. self inflicted struggle. struggle that comes from big ideals, big ambitions but lack of actually gettin of my (excuse my french) arse and actually doing anything. i know this, i admit this to myself but still i dont change. And i always manage to find an excuse, always the same- i dont know what to do. i dont know where i'm meant to be. i need someone to tell me the way and i'll go and do. is it true or am i just debiliated with fear at the idea of what i could achieve? like nelson mandela said, it is our light that frightens us.
point 2, i really don't know what i am passionate enough about to want to do anything. i am a passionate person. i get involved and i get annoyed and i get dismayed at so many things. i am passionate about everything, so nothing in particular sticks out. i'm passionate about injustice but i just dont think anything will change. i'm passionate about the fact that there is a generation, more women i feel, without self respect, self worth and dignity, who go by day to day expecting someone else to give them the confidence they need without ever realising that they are wonderful the way they are. i am passionate about the fact that everyday people who are different in any shape or form are marginalised or ignored. the world doesnt know how to deal with it or who to blame and so the buck stops with 'the other'. i am passionate that knowledge is the key to the solutions, that knowledge in so many senses of the word. i am passionate about the fact that God is GOD and that blows my mind. but with all that, where do you go and what do you do?
3 comments:
- At 6:57 PM Anonymous said...
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Hey Becks!!Woah, this is all p-retty deep stuff:) Searching is good, but self inflicted striving and struggle are not where GOd whats you to be, He can't equip us if WE are in the way - scratch that, I don't think he WILL equip us if WE don't let Him, much as he wants too - we might only waste it if we are too into us - do you get what I mean? ( I only know this because I have been here myself and GOd actually said - How can I equip you if you won't let me!)You mention 'the idea of what you could achieve' - what is that, what idea do have/has God placed in you - or are you even too terrified to voice it? Voice it and then I think God will honour your ownership of it and reveal some more - but then again, who am I, and what do I know?? Have a great holiday by the way - chill, really chill!!
- At 10:35 AM Anonymous said...
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Becks, I found your blog!
I know what you mean about having passion and ideals, but not actually doing anything about it. Sometimes my head is so full of things that I think that ought to be done, and then I realise that I am not actually doing it so what right do I have to say that others should. Take for example discipleship - (as you know, my biggest passion!) - I am so convicted that Christians should be devoted to living completely for God. That means not loving the world, not letting the world take first place - but God being the vision of everything that we do. However, when I look at my life I realise that I am so half-hearted. If I really really wanted to, I could give up my life and go and be a missionary in some far off place I have never heard of. I could give all my money, every last penny to people with nothing. There is so much I could do, but don't. Why don't I? Well, I could come up with dozens of reasons - God doesn't ask us to become poor to help the poor, we should only go to be missionaries in some far off place we have never heard of if God calls us to that, etc, all of which may well be true, but they are not the reason I don't do them. I don't do these things simply because I don't want to and cant be bothered. Its just easier being here and doing what I am doing.
I think I amy write about this topic on my own blog sometime.
By the way, I agree with Liz. You are at uni right now, maybe you are still searching for what God wants you to do because He hasn't told you yet, because you don't need to know yet. I don't think God purposely makes it difficult for us to know what He wants us to do. I truly believe that if we trust Him and wait for Him, He will reveal it in His own time - which will be right when we need to know it.
Will be praying for you. - At 1:57 PM Anonymous said...
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Hey! Maybe where you are now is where you are meant to be at this time? You have got some amazing stuff going on in your life RIGHT THIS MINUTE and maybe your looking for something else that isn't there...yet? When it's time for change, when it's time to get off your backside, God will pull the chair away and you'll have to move. Maybe you're making a difference right where you are and you just can't see it yet? - Sorry, more questions than answers!!!
